Friday, July 8, 2022

Karmic

I did a good thing. I stepped outside briefly, and three mosquitoes landed on me. I did the noble thing and helped them back into the Karmic circle of life so that they can be reborn as a higher life form on their journey to Nirvana. 

Yeah, I squashed them. 

Thursday, July 7, 2022

Progress

I made it through today without hitting anyone stupid with a chair. Not even one person! I think it's obvious that my people skills are improving. 

My therapist will be so pleased when he gets back from his breakdown. 

Wednesday, July 6, 2022

Signs

There are always ways you can tell a relationship is over: They move, they get a protective order, they spray you with bacon and drop you in a wilderness filled with wolves, etc. 

These are all subtle signs that the ardor has become an odor. 

Tuesday, July 5, 2022

Don't Cloud the Issue with Facts

A new entry in my People Are Crazy file: 

I'm discussing a societal problem with a friend. He finally says, "You're impossible to talk to. You just keep bringing up facts. No one cares about facts." 

Seriously, what am I supposed to do with statements like that?

Monday, July 4, 2022

Happy Independence Day!

Happy July 4th!
I hope it's your day to be free of fear, loss, sorrow, and intolerance! 
May laughter sparkle! 
May joy and peace rise in your heart and explode in contentment! 

Hm, I may have taken that metaphor too far, but you know what I mean!  

Sunday, July 3, 2022

Your Personal Independence

“If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.” — John 8:36.

As our nation prepares to commemorate July 4th, the day when we celebrate our independence from Great Britain and honor the sacrifices of those who fought and died and lost everything in the battle for freedom, it’s an excellent time to declare our personal independence.

Personal independence? Yes, personal. God wants us—you and me as we are right now in this moment—to be free. He wants us to be free of sin and sorrow. He wants us to be free of prejudice and hate. He wants us to be free of trauma and guilt. He wants us to be free of greed and envy. He wants us to be free!

It’s hard to be free in this world. The media overwhelmingly portrays values that are destructive to our mental and spiritual health. We imitate what we see even though it erodes our morals and faith. Instead of choosing peace and love, we are choosing strife and drama.

The picture of today’s world seems to be grim, but Jesus Christ shows us a better way, a way to be truly free. It is both simple and hard: “And you shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shall love thy neighbor as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.” – Mark 12:31-32. These are the commandments of true freedom for our lives, our family, our friends, and our nation.

This Independence Day, choose the freedom of God’s mercy and grace and celebrate His love for all His children. Then we will be free indeed. 

Saturday, July 2, 2022

When the Rain Falls

Uncommon Wisdom: 

Sometimes no matter how much we hope and pray for something, we don't get it. If we have bought into "magical thinking," then we can't recover because our world is broken. But if we realize the rain falls on both the just and the unjust, then we can survive our defeat and go on.

Move on.

Keep moving on.

Friday, July 1, 2022

Meaning what?

All things are harder than we expect. 

Unless they're easier. 

Or exactly as we expected. 

Don't read this post. It has no real meaning. 

Stop reading, I tell you! 

Stop! 

Why are you still reading this?

Saturday, March 12, 2022

Worthy

 Preaching to Myself—and to You: There are always going to be people who are mean to you, who don't respect you, who try to put you in your place. But listen, you are not what they say. The universe doesn't care about their words. Their self-righteous mouthing is nothing but background noise, lost in the static between the stars.
Remember my personal motto: "You can put me in my place, but I won't stay there."
Pick yourself up, take a long drink of defiance, nourish yourself with the Words of the One who loves you best, and face your life with joyous determination.
You are worthy.
You are worthy.
You are worthy.
Shout “Amen!”

Friday, March 11, 2022

Inflation?

 Little Johnny listens to his grandmother as she complains about the high cost of living. 

“When I was young,” she says, “you could go to the store with just a dollar and come home with enough food to feed your family for a week!” 

“Well, Grandma,” Little Johnny says, "that's called inflation. We learned about it in school.” 

“Inflation nothing!” Grandma snaps. “It’s all these dang security cameras they’ve got today!” 

Thursday, March 10, 2022

Oughta

I should be doing a couple of more things—I have been productive the last couple of days—but I want to play World of Warcraft or watch more of Death in Paradise or read a book. I hope my productivity isn't waning. Or perhaps I'm too far away from my morning coffee. 

Wednesday, March 9, 2022

Plants and politicians

I've been having to bring my plants in at night because they don't like cold weather. It's a pain in the pot.

You know, there's a lot to be said for silk plants. They don't shed, and when you get tired of them, you can throw them away and not feel like you're killing anything. In that way, they're a lot like politicians. 

Saturday, October 2, 2021

Ordinary Wisdom #7

Ordinary Wisdom: It may be impossible for us to love everyone—we're not Godand it may be impossible to like everyonewe're not Oprahbut surely we can at least be kind to each other. Kindness to everyone would go a long way to making this world a decent place to live in. Except for that black truck that ran the stoplight and nearly hit me; it would be hard to be kind to the driver who was probably drinking as he sent naughty messages on his cellphone and ate a double cheeseburger with fries, but I would try.

I would.

Maybe.

Wednesday, June 9, 2021

Prosateurs Books: Inspiration & Poetry

Inspirational

Tales from Bethlehem 

by Stephen B. Bagley
You've heard the story a thousand times: glorious angels, lowly shepherds, brightly shining star, three Wise Men, and wee babe in a manger. But have you ever wondered about everyone else in tiny Bethlehem on that marvel of nights? What did they think? What did they do? How would you have responded? In these funny and touching tales, you'll meet a stable boy, a serving girl, an honest spy, an astounding clerk, an empty innkeeper, a mighty ship of the desert, and many others as they share their amazing Tales from Bethlehem.
Buy on Amazon!


Poetry

Undying 

by Stephen B. Bagley & Gail Henderson
Enjoy a good shiver on a moonlit night with these thrilling, chilling poems. Oklahoma poets and authors Stephen B. Bagley and Gail Henderson share a sometimes darkly humorous look at the creatures of the ever night, mythical and otherwise. You'll meet a vampire who definitely doesn't sparkle, a werewolf who chooses freedom, gods, and goddesses who are all too human, brave astronauts and greedy planet jumpers, and down-to-earth monsters who may live next door. You'll learn what happens to a modern-day Dr. Frankenstein after he creates the perfect woman, why it's better to refuse that crimson invitation, and the sorrow that stalks us even when the sky is bright and the clouds few. You might even discover the creature that goes bump in the night is actually you.
Buy on Amazon!

Wednesday, May 12, 2021

Prosateurs Books: Mysteries!

Friend or Foe 
by Debbie Anderson
Janie is your average college-aged girl with her future ahead of her. Her quirky personality includes her love of old music and movies, she talks to herself, and she often finds herself in unusual situations. She loves her job and has lots of good friends. Life is great! Then she accidentally hits a policeman with a bagel! Romance blossoms. A black truck with tinted windows is following her. She doesn't know who it is, but it continues to stalk her. How can she get her life back? Who is in the truck? Is it Friend or Foe?
Buy on Amazon!


Murder by the Acre 
by Stephen B. Bagley
The librarian and the reporter are back! This time Bernard and Lisa stumble on the body of a local jeweler and ladies' man in an underground house. As the couple and Chief Donaldson investigate, they find themselves drawn into a confusing mystery of lies and alibis that involves the upper crust of Ryton, Oklahoma. Questions abound: Who killed him and how? Why doesn't the widow care that her husband is dead? Why doesn't his mistress? What does the mysterious Aventura Corporation have to do with the murder? What is the corporation hiding? Soon events spiral out of control as the killer strikes again and again. As the three dig for the truth, they upset powerful, vengeful people. The chief might lose his job, but Bernard and Lisa could lose their lives in this suspenseful sequel to Murder by Dewey Decimal.


Murder by Dewey Decimal 
by Stephen B. Bagley
When Assistant Librarian Bernard M. Worthington finds the body of the dreaded Agatha Ryton-Storer, he has no way of knowing her death will begin a series of murders that will stun his small town and reveal secrets hidden for thirty years. He, roving reporter Lisa Trent, and Police Chief Chuck Donaldson must outwit a ruthless, determined murderer. What was stolen from the library safe? What happened to the missing janitor? Why is Lisa a target? Who stole the Ryton jewels? Why did old Eliah Ryton will his hideous mansion to the city? What secrets does it hold and who is killing to hide them? Appealing characters, sly wit, clever plot, and chilling suspense mark this first novel in the Measurements of Murder™ series.
Buy on Amazon!

Thursday, April 1, 2021

Guffaw all you want!

Humor

Floozy and Other Stories 
by Stephen B. Bagley
Got two nuns and a goat? Do you enjoy Sabbath Night Fever? Or own a flying robot monkey army serving our Alien Masters? If you do - and even if you don't - this is the book for you! Enjoy humorist Stephen B. Bagley's views of our world in more than 80 hilarious tales from his decidedly different life.




Floozy Comes Back
by Stephen B. Bagley
Humorist Stephen B. Bagley returns with a new collection of wild and wacky tales from his decidedly different life. Enjoy these stories: Spice Boy, A Tale of Two Goldfish, Tanning My Hide, Kindle the Barbarian, The Fine Art of Sighing, Pumpkin Pinterest, Mr. Manners Speaks, Much Ado About Carbs, Congress & Other Monstrous Things, Work in Your Underwear, The Terrible Truth About Women, and many, many more!
Buy on Amazon!

Saturday, January 23, 2021

Visit Different Worlds!

🌕 Fantasy ðŸŒ™  

Bone Sliver 
by Debra Chandler
The World is Changing.... Maxwell Edison, agent of The Office of Human Protection is given an assignment. Sent to Tulsa, Oklahoma, he's staking out a spreading rash of anomalous activity unprecedented in the world so far. With agents and civilians dying all around him, it’s up to him to find a way to stop the oncoming paranormal cataclysm that has been engineered by a mysterious shadow organization. In the face of unstoppable magic, can he hold on to his humanity?
Buy on Amazon!


Dawn Before the Dark

by Wendy Blanton

An ancient curse keeps men in fear of dragons, so only women can ride them in Slan—while only men can perform magic. As a necromancer from beyond the edge of the known world threatens invasion, Briant appears—a young man who loves dragons. Wybren Tanwen must decide: Is Briant the dragonborn, the answer to prophecy? Will he save Slan?
Buy on Amazon!




Nova Wave 
by Debra Chandler
The Office of Human Protection has come to small-town Oklahoma, but the situation is anything but stable. When agents go missing, Maxwell Edison must investigate. When Max goes missing and a coup is staged from within, everything depends on a woman waking up in a changed world. A woman who has suffered a grievous injury, A woman with no training. Can she possibly save him?
Buy on Amazon!



Rogue Pawn 
by Wendy Blanton AKA Elizabeth Joy
Forced from her home, Sieger faced a long road paved with lies and manipulation. Desperate, she did the only thing she could: She turned the tables on her enemies and forged her own fate.
Buy on Amazon!






Sword & Scabbard 
by Wendy Blanton
When Nyakas killed his father to protect his wife and son, he wasn't thinking about the consequences. Because Malitor was a Divine Steward, Nyakas had two choices: take Malitor's seat, or defend himself against those who wanted it. Reluctantly, he and Robyn have moved to Mhovan Rosk. He knows that the other Divine Stewards have their own agendas, but it is not until he arrives that he realizes how corrupt the council is. When his advisors discover a hidden prophecy, the solution to the corruption becomes clear, but it may come at a price none of them are able to pay.
Buy on Amazon!


The Dragon's Lady 
by Wendy Blanton AKA Elizabeth Joy
A young army officer, heading a team in search of missing CIA agents, is captured by intergalactic slave traders. Her team is sold to a man who is much more than he seems.
Buy on Amazon!






WEATHERED 
by Debra Chandler
A shift in the wind. A change in the air. Weather has the power to affect everything around and inside us. What will the next season bring? Will the wind of change bring joy—sadness—or something darker? The pages of this book contain poems and tales that will leave even the most stalwart souls—WEATHERED.
Buy on Amazon!

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

Different flavors for different palates!

Anthologies

Blackbirds First Flight
By Various Authors

⇨ An unhappy wife can't decide what to do about her boorish husband until an uneaten meal gives her a dark idea...
⇨ Something is raising zombies in Tulsa, and Justina Grave is the only one who can stop it...
⇨ When a fat farm promises to make Edyth thin again, her dream comes true. She will never be fat again—or safe...
⇨ Hopping a freight train can be a cheap way to travel. Unless you pick the wrong boxcar...
⇨ One kiss gives Francois immortality, but at a cost he doesn't see coming...
⇨ A woman warrior must choose her fate as the Romans ravage her land...
⇨ Stalked by terrible creatures seeking vengeance, a band of robbers runs for their lives in medieval France...
This anthology will lead you into dark, twisted places filled with mystery and delight. Enjoy thrilling stories and chilling poems by authors Stephen B. Bagley, Kent Bass, Wendy Blanton, Gail Henderson, Tamara Siler Jones, and Jean Schara.
Buy on Amazon


Blackbirds Second Flight
by Various Authors
Enjoy new dark and twisted stories and poems from Stephen B. Bagley, Wendy Blanton, Gail Henderson, Ken Lewis, Jean Schara, and Heath Stallcup
Buy on Amazon







Blackbirds Third Flight
by Various Authors
Enjoy these dark fantasies:
✥ A dead girl asks one final question.
✥ A young man rides a forbidden dragon.
✥ With claw and fang, Malone will fight.
✥ Justina Grave battles a dangerous witch.
✥ A father faces his family's terrible secret.
✥ The end of the world begins in a backyard.
✥ A predator prowls on Halloween night.
✥ Thunder Mountain will kill the careless.
✥ Learn the final truth of the Tooth Fairy.
✥ A wolf reveals the face of the true beast.
And much more in this anthology of thrilling tales and poetry from Kathy Akins, Stephen B. Bagley, Wendy Blanton, Michael Canton, D.E. Chandler, Erin Cochran, Gail Henderson, Mariana Llanos, Jean Schara, and Heath Stallcup.
Buy on Amazon


Prosateurs: Tales & Truth 
by the Prosateurs
Enjoy articles, essays, memoirs, poems, recipes, short stories, and more from members of the Prosateurs writing group, including
➼ 13 Ways to be More Creative in your life.
How NOT to curse like a sailor.
➼ A daughter endures her mother melting away.
What's alive in that garage can?
➼ How to bake a Fruit Cocktail Cake.
Relish a sonnet for Autumn.
➼ Learn the amazing secret of the Thanksgiving Tree.
How do you deal with doubt?
➼ An Air Force wife confronts her future.
Special Bonus: Prosateurs share Writing Tips.
And much more!
Buy on Amazon!


Yule Tidings

by the Prosateurs

The Prosateurs celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's with articles, devotionals, essays, memoirs, poems, recipes, short stories, including:
Be the Hostess with the Mostest!
Enjoy Tasty Christmas Sausage Balls
Awake Prayer and Thanksgiving!
Marvel at the Ancient Yutetide Origins!

Listen to the Christmas Bells Sing!
Survive the Holidays with Ease!
When Does One Plus One Equal Eleven?
The Other Serving Girl Tells her Tale!
The Turducken Hits the Fan!
Realize You're Not Poor at All!

And much more!
Buy on Amazon!
Buy on Lulu!
Buy on Barnes & Noble!
Buy on BooksAMillion!




Saturday, January 2, 2021

Still

Here it isSaturday, January 2, 2021and I've not taken the time to write what I wanted to say to everyone on January 1. I intended to, but things got busy, and I had to complete a few things all of a sudden, and now it's the second day of the year which you've faced bravely and gracefully without reading what I wanted to tell you.

And I'm still in the middle of a project and I can't take the time to truly express what's on my mind, but if I could have, I would have told you this:

Yes, last year was rough on many of us. We got sick. We watched loved ones suffer. We endured losing precious people. We carry wounds of deep sorrow. But still...

We made our grim way through an election that lingers on like sewer gas. Our financial world remains strained. And many lost their jobs through no fault of their own. But still...

Our faith in humanity has been shaken. We fought in ongoing mask debates. We battled in voting wars. We distanced too much or got too close. We watched the experts attack each other. But still...

We've been torn, bent, spindled, and mutilated. But still...

We're here. 

Still. 

Despite all that has been thrown at us, we remain.

We still go to our jobs if we're lucky enough to have them.

We still go to our churches to acknowledge that we are small creatures in a vast universe and aid is always appreciated.

We still go to school or send our children to school or help them in our dining rooms as we remember how much we hated new or old math.

We still donate to food pantries and meal kitchens. We still give to charities, always remembering that there—but for the grace of God—we go.

We still care, still help when able, and still love as best as we can.

Look, if I had time, I would have told you that that is what hope looks like. We're loaded with the stuff. We're filled with determination. We're still the ape reaching for the angel.

That's what I would have said, and then I would ended with my favorite lines from the poem Ulysses by Alfred, Lord Tennyson:

"Tho' much is taken, much abides; and tho'
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."

That's what I would have said if I had been able to find the time to write it properly. I think you would have enjoyed it. 

And maybe you did.

Happy New Year, my friends. God bless and keep you safe.

(Illustration copyright Depositphotos.com)

Friday, January 1, 2021

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to you and yours! May the new year be filled with love, laughter, health, prosperity, peace, and all good things!

Prayer for the New Year

Dear Creator,
Grant us the courage to start again.
Let us find the strength to overcome the problems facing us.
Help us understand that healing ourselves and rebuilding our spirits takes time which only makes such efforts even more precious and vital.
Remind us to be kind to those who have fallen so that they can also heal and grow.
Give peace and comfort to those who have experienced loss and sorrow in the past year and let them experience joy in the days to come.
As the future becomes our present and the present becomes our past, let us be in the here now and savor the blessings small and large of this life.
And let us always remember to be grateful for what we love and for what loves us. In the end, only love matters.
Sincerely,
Us

 

Friday, September 25, 2020

Darker still...

Blackbirds Second Flight
By Various Authors

     Enjoy new dark and twisted stories and poems from Stephen B. Bagley, Wendy Blanton, Gail Henderson, Ken Lewis, Jean Schara, and Heath Stallcup, including:
A writer challenges her murderous muse.
☀ Dragons and riders stage a daring rescue.
☀ Gangsters face off over the world's fate.z
☀ Warriors duel to their deaths in the sky.
☀ A father battles ghosts to save his daughter.
☀ The sidhe never forget nor forgive.
☀ It's Malone's Way, or the fur will fly.
☀ A shaman invades Tulsa on a killing hunt.
     And much more!
Buy on Amazon!
Buy on Barnes & Noble!
Buy on BooksAMillion!
Buy on Lulu!
Buy on Powell's Books!

Monday, September 21, 2020

Something darker...

Blackbirds First Flight
By Various Authors
    Enjoy these dark fantasies:
★ An unhappy wife can't decide what to do about her boorish husband until an uneaten meal gives her a dark idea...
Something is raising zombies in Tulsa, and Justina Grave is the only one who can stop it...
★ When a fat farm promises to make Edyth thin again, her dream comes true. She will never be fat again—or safe...
Hopping a freight train can be a cheap way to travel. Unless you pick the wrong boxcar...
★ One kiss gives Francois immortality, but at a cost he doesn't see coming...
A warrior must choose her fate as the Romans ravage her land...
★ Stalked by terrible creatures seeking vengeance, a band of robbers runs for their lives in medieval France...
    This anthology will lead you into dark, twisted places filled with mystery and delight. Enjoy thrilling stories and chilling poems by authors Stephen B. Bagley, Kent Bass, Wendy Blanton, Gail Henderson, Tamara Siler Jones, and Jean Schara.
Buy on Amazon!
Buy on Barnes & Noble!
Buy on Better World Books!
Buy on BooksAMillion!
Buy on Lulu!
Buy on Powell's!

Sunday, May 24, 2020

From "A Meditation on (Barely) Walking"

Recently, I tried those compression walking shorts that supposedly help your muscles stay relaxed and energized. I felt and looked like a bratwurst sausage.

There was a physics problem of trying to place too much of me into too little of the shorts. I couldn't solve it and was only able to remove the garment with the aid of WD-40. At least the fire department didn't have to cut me out of them.

Again.

(Excerpted from the forthcoming book Floozy Goes Forth, copyright 2020. All rights reserved.)

Thursday, May 21, 2020

A Quickening of the Winds

I wrote a column today that I'm quite proud of. Not that I haven't written better ones with more laughs. No, it's because I wrote it when I didn't feel like I could. It's nearly a month overdue so today I planted myself in my chair and told me to write anything as long as I filled up that space. And I did. All the recent stress has taken the wind out of my sails, but today I felt a breeze.

Friday, November 1, 2019

YULE TIDINGS ON SALE NOW!

Yule Tidings, the latest anthology from the writing group Prosateurs, is on sale now. The holiday-themed anthology celebrates Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s with works of fiction and nonfiction.

“Besides making the perfect Christmas gift, Yule Tidings is great for planning your parties and get-togethers, too,” said Kathy Akins, Prosateurs vice president. “We have articles on easy party preparations and, of course, delicious recipes. And the stories, memoirs, essays, and poems will get you into the holiday spirit. It’s the perfect book to curl up with.”

Yule Tidings features works from these authors:

Kathy Akins has won several awards with her poetry, devotionals, and short fiction. Her short stories and poetry have been published in Prosateurs: Tales & Truth, Blackbirds Third Flight, Creations 2015, and Creations 2014. She is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc., Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, and American Christian Fiction Writers. Visit her website at kathyakins.blogspot.com.

Debbie Anderson wrote the suspense novel Friend or Foe in 2018. Its sequel, Predators Among Us, will be published in early 2020. She writes short stories, memoirs, novels, children’s stories, and how-to books. She has been published in Prosateurs: Tales & Truth, Creations 2018, and Creations 2017.

Stephen B. Bagley's latest book is Floozy Comes Back, a collection of humorous essays. He co-wrote Undying, a book of dark poetry. His other books include: Murder by Dewey Decimal, Murder by the Acre, Tales from Bethlehem, Floozy and Other Stories, and Endless. His plays include: Murder at the Witch’s Cottage, Two Writers in the Hands of an Angry God, There’s a Body in the Closet, and Hogwild. His poetry, articles, short stories, and essays have appeared in Prosateurs: Tales & Truth, Writer’s Digest, Blackbirds First Flight, Blackbirds Second Flight, Blackbirds Third Flight, ByLine Magazine, Nautilus Magazine, Pontotoc County Chronicles, Tulsa World’s OKMagazine, Free Star, Dark Prairies & Deep Rivers, the Creations anthologies 2012-2015, and other publications. He is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc. Visit his website at StephenBBagley.blogspot.com.

Wendy Blanton wrote Dawn Before the Dark, the first book in a fantasy trilogy, which was published by the Christian fantasy publisher Bear Publications in the fall of 2019. She also co-wrote three fantasy novels, The Dragon’s Lady, Rogue Pawn, and Sword and Scabbard, under the name Elizabeth Joy. Her short stories, articles, and recipes have appeared in Prosateurs: Tales & Truth, Blackbirds First Flight, Blackbirds Second Flight, and Blackbirds Third Flight. She is a member of Realm Makers and Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc. Visit her website at wendyblanton.com.

Debra E. Chandler’s debut novel, Bone Sliver, was published in 2015, and the sequel, Nova Wave, in 2018. Weathered, a collection of her short works and poems, was also released in 2018. Her short stories, poems, photographs, and articles were also published in Prosateurs: Tales & Truth, Blackbirds Third Flight, The Green Country Guardian, The Sapulpa Herald, and Sapulpa News and Views. She is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc. and Oklahoma Bloggers and Influencers. Visit her website at dechandlerwrites.com.

Barbara Shepherd is the 2019 Voice of the Fair Poet, the Poetry Society of Oklahoma’s 2019 Poet Laureate, and recipient of more than 350 writing awards in local, regional, national, and international contests. Her books include: The Potbelly Pig Promise, River Bend, Vittles and Vignettes, and Patchwork Skin. Her writing has also appeared in: State Cops Cooking in the Heartland - More Than We Can Say Grace Over, Candle Flames: PSO’s 70th Anniversary Anthology, Oklahoma Centennial Heritage Collection, Harp Strings, A Centennial Celebration of Oklahoma Stories, travelin’ Music, Elegant Rage, Poetry Is For Everyone, Imagination Turned Loose, Beads On a String–Peace, Joy, and Love, From the Heart of Galaxy, Ain't Gonna Be Treated This Way, and other publications. Visit her website at barbarashepherd.com.

Joanne Verbridge was born in Oakland, California, spending her early life experiences in Northern California. Family brought her to Oklahoma where she enjoys writing memoirs and crafting. She works to inspire her young nieces to take an interest in storytelling and writing. Her memoirs, short stories, and articles have been published in newspapers and Prosateurs: Tales & Truth, Creations 2015, Creations 2014, Creations 2013, and Creations 2012.

Yule Tidings is now available at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, BooksAMillion, Lulu, and other online retailers, and from the Prosateurs members while supplies last. For more information, including book signing dates and locations, visit Prosateurs.blogspot.com.

Wednesday, September 25, 2019

In the Valley of the Dead

In the Valley of the Dead

Make no songs that say our names;
we will not listen now.
Don’t compose poems to sing our virtues;
past small things, we do not care.
Do not praise us in speeches
written to glorify the cause;
eulogies are said by sly politicians.

If you truly would honor us,
walk quietly among white wildflowers.
Share memories of your families,
the children we cherished, the babies’
first steps, the turning of the world—
the stones hold us down, down, down,
and we cannot see beyond the loam.

Was our falling worth the cost?
Some say yes and others say no;
we do not care about the words,
the many falsehoods. the justifying.
Let us lie quietly here; our sorrows
vanquished as strife is not—wait,
what sound is that? A trumpet calls—

Copyright 2019 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Friday, August 30, 2019

Have Some Laughs!

Floozy and Other Stories 
by Stephen B. Bagley
Got two nuns and a goat? Do you enjoy Sabbath Night Fever? Or own a flying robot monkey army serving our Alien Masters? If you do - and even if you don't - this is the book for you! Enjoy humorist Stephen B. Bagley's views of our world in more than 80 hilarious tales from his decidedly different life.





Floozy Comes Back
by Stephen B. Bagley
Humorist Stephen B. Bagley returns with a new collection of wild and wacky tales from his decidedly different life. Enjoy these stories: Spice Boy, A Tale of Two Goldfish, Tanning My Hide, Kindle the Barbarian, The Fine Art of Sighing, Pumpkin Pinterest, Mr. Manners Speaks, Much Ado About Carbs, Congress & Other Monstrous Things, Work in Your Underwear, The Terrible Truth About Women, and many, many more!
Buy on Amazon!

Saturday, August 10, 2019

Ocean View

Happy Saturday to you. I've been gone, occupied with a serious illness that affected a precious family member (who is improving), my own illness (improving but exhausted), and all the rest of life's little surprises.

You seem to have done okay while I was gone. Some of you still happy, some of you still sad, some of you still between, some of you sadly still freakishly paranoid, but most of us are still at sea, battling the waves, enjoying calm days under the sun, and being braced by the wind that fills our sails.

In other words, that's life, and I'm glad we're making the journey together. I'm going to try to post more often here. Hope some readers are still with me. I promise more jokes, more stories, more books, more life, God willing.

And sometimes we will just gaze at the far horizon together and drift, thinking of things to come. Let's set sail!

Monday, May 20, 2019

From "Floozy Goes Forth"

Mona Lisa in Glitter & Glue
By Stephen B. Bagley

I have been watching a lot of YouTube lately. I had always avoided it before because I figured it was filled with the generally loud and useless noise that permeates social media these days. (Twitter, I’m pointing at you.) But a friend shared a link to a crafting video on YouTube, and I was intrigued enough to watch a crafter turn 200 straws and a bargain store round mirror into a “sunburst décor item” with a can of gold paint and a hot glue gun. It looked nice, although I did wonder if there is actually a decorating school known as “sunburst décor.” I wouldn’t know since my home decorating school is “Junk Everywhere” and our motto is “Leave It Where It Falls.”

YouTube, with the help of tracking cookies and sinister magic, knew I had watched a crafting video, so they suggested another crafting video, this one involving building a sturdy bookshelf with cardboard and lots of hot glue. Naturally, I had to watch that one, too. I’m nothing if not suggestible. Then another video popped up, and five hours later, I emerged dazed at all the amazing things I had seen.

You might think I would be inspired by all these videos to start crafting. But, of course, you’re wrong once again. Sometimes I’m not sure you’re stalking me as diligently as you should. I tried a bit of crafting years ago and gave it up after a nasty hot glue burn on my nose. (I was looking at a project closely, okay?) Besides, I would spend hours and hours on a project, finish it with a real sense of accomplishment, finally look at it, and then throw it with great force into the trash bin because it was batweaselbutt ugly. I don’t have the crafting genes, and I couldn’t craft jeans, either.

But the people on YouTube can craft EVERYTHING! If you told me that some crafter had made a running replica of 1952 Buick out of pipe cleaners, glitter, wire, cardboard boxes, and a box of hair pins, I would believe you—as long as you mentioned they used hot glue. ‘Cause hot glue holds the crafting world together both figuratively and literally.

Hot glue has advanced a lot since I gave myself second-degree burns while attempting to make a Christmas wreath. It now comes in a rainbow of colors, including glittering metallic hues. And I do mean glittering. Despite the fact that glitter is the cockroach of the crafter world—it gets everywhere and it’s impossible to get rid of—it’s used like it could cure humanity of all our ills. I can’t look at it without remembering that the dust of Mars is also sharp due to the lack of erosion and would deliver a thousand cuts to your lungs if you breathed it as would glitter, except the later would give you the dreaded “glitter-lung” disease that strikes down so many crafters in their prime. This is one of the reasons I won’t go to Mars and certainly not with glitter. That’s asking for trouble as all the astronauts know. Oh, frightening thought: glitter in zero gravity! Let’s see Matt Damon deal with that!

I must mention a disturbing advancement in the hot glue world: they now have low temperature glue and guns! Yes, instead of having use glue at volcanic temperatures that can etch glass, they get to use glue that stings, but doesn’t eat down to the bone. This is just wrong! We are supposed to suffer for our art. SUFFER! If you really want to be the Leonardo da Vinci of the crafting world, use only the high temperature glue. As a plus, the scars will be a wonderful conversation starter at crafting hoedowns and church rummage sales, although you probably shouldn’t expect to date much.

Not that a true crafter wants to date. No, a true crafter wants to spend their life passion on creating a lovely Christmas elf house out of a metal hanger, cereal boxes, aluminum foil, plastic wrap, modeling clay, miniature lights, paint, and hot glue. They also spend hours on their projects. On their videos, they cheat and speed up the action until they’re moving as fast as the Flash. This lures you into thinking you could do the same in a couple of hours when actually it’s a week or month—if you’re lucky. I watched one video where the female crafter was thin, pregnant, and then thin again with a baby crawling through the scene. I just realized the baby was actually crafted, too, but she and the father didn’t make a video of it, I hope.

A big movement among the crafters is recycling or upcycling what would be trash, but is used as crafting supplies—“Trash into Treasure” as it is so charmingly phrased. Regrettably, some of the videos are more along the lines of “Trash into Trash Covered with Hot Glue and Glitter.” You wonder why their friends don’t pull them aside and tell them the truth about their Styrofoam cup and rainbow colored cat litter centerpiece. No, I’m not making this up. Maybe their friends don’t want to hurt the crafter’s feelings and maybe the crafter is still armed with the hot glue gun. Better safe than a trip to the burn unit.

Some people even make things out of hot glue. That’s right. No materials, only hot glue sticks and hot glue. Watching one person construct a lacy bowl out of bronze hot glue, I realized the latest 3D printers are only computerized hot glue guns. Those crafters are simply using hot glue in its natural form. They even use hot glue to create beautiful and intriguing paintings that would grace any wall— particularly if you like “sunburst décor” and who doesn’t? What did you say? Well, you don’t have any taste then.

Seriously, I’ve seen wondrous landscapes, still life, nautical and historical themes, animals, and even portraits done in hot glue. Somehow, the heat and fumes lift the crafters into a mentally heightened state. If Leonardo could have had access to hot glue, we might have seen an entirely different take on the Mona Lisa, perhaps enhanced by glitter and pipe cleaners.

YouTube has many categories of crafting that use materials such as: copy paper, balloons, plastic bags, empty medicine bottles, soda can tabs, compact discs, rubber bands, yard sticks, sticks from your yard, soft drink bottles, pens, plastic and paper straws, broken dinner places, cow horns, wire, gum wrappers, wrapping paper, aluminum foil, modeling clay, gourds...oh, the list goes on forever. YouTube is the place where you learn if all those projects you saw on Pinterest are possible. And if they shouldn’t be made to protect humanity.

But if—for some reason you should never share—you have a box of painted fingernail clippings you can’t part with, YouTube is where to find videos on how to craft with them. You weirdo.

(From the forthcoming book Floozy Goes Forth. Copyright 2019 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. Thank you for reading.)

Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Fitness Goal: Another Way to Say Insanity

"Fitness Goal: Just Another Way to Say Insanity"
By Stephen B. Bagley

A friend of mine set a fitness goal to climb a mountain. Naturally, we immediately attempted to have her committed on grounds of general insanity, but a judge told us that climbing a mountain is not a sign of mental illness. We have to abide by his ruling, although it’s hard to trust a man in such an unflattering dress. A bit of color on his collar and sleeves  would brighten up the whole courtroom and give it a much needed festive air, particularly during sentencing.

I’ve always had a love/hate/hate/LOATHE relationship with fitness goals, mostly because I never reach one. If I do set one, there’s a good deal on tacos, and that’s the end of that. But they’re good. I mean, the tacos are good, not the goals.

Okay, fine, fitness goals are good. But they’re hard to achieve, particularly if your trainer is so small-minded that he/she doesn’t accept Recliner Lounging as an exercise, even though it takes a lot of skill to balance a plate of food, dessert, a drink, a bucket of fried chicken and biscuits, napkins, and several remotes on your stomach as you watch the latest episode of My 600-Lb. Life. As you watch the show, you wonder how those poor people got that large as you eat a couple of biscuits slathered in brown gravy. It’s a mystery.

Probably giving up biscuits and fried chicken should be one of your fitness goals, but let’s not talk crazy, man. Instead, maybe you could get one of  those fitness watches and gradually increase your steps until you’re walking over 100,000 steps a day! Then you look around and wonder where you are and why bears are circling you. Probably you should have taken up running, but instead you’re giving the wild animals lean meat, which is so much better than the fatty tourists they usually dine on.

I have a fitness watch. At first, it was fun to count how many steps I had and read the little messages of encouragement that showed on its tiny screen. “Go, Stephen! You’re doing great!” But after a few months, the messages took a mean tone: “So...that’s all you’re doing? Are you even trying? I’m ashamed. I’m the laughingstock of all the other watches, buddy! LAUGHINGSTOCK!” I find forgetting to charge its battery shuts it up.

You can choose to eat healthy, but it’s hard to choose a diet among all the thousands out there. It’s even harder because every diet says the other diets don’t work and might probably possibly perhaps KILL you, although this statement hasn’t been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and probably never will be if their lobbyists are effective.

Still, you must choose. Pick one of these: Mediterranean, DASH, Flexitarian (the favorite among Vulcans), MIND, Volumetrics (Defender of the Unibelly), TLC, Ornish, Fertility, Nordic, Flat Belly, Nutritarian (sworn enemies of the Flexitarians), Vegan, Glycemic Index (you don’t what to know the GI of Hostess Twinkies), Zone, Abs, Macrobiotic (not just biotics, but macrobiotics!), Optavia, Paleo, Raw Food, Supercharged Hormone (the favorite of all the super heroes), Keto, Spark, Weight Watchers, SlimFast, Mayo Clinic (which is not based on mayonnaise as I had excitedly thought), and so on. I found more than 100 different diets while exhaustively searching the Internet for a second or two. I’m sure there are more out there, but I can tell you now that none of them allow you to devour Hostess Twinkies(TM) by the box. Life is bitter.

Let’s say you’ve chosen your diet,  and now you must choose your exercise routine. Fortunately, hundreds of routines are available. Thousands. Pick one. Or two. Several. Doesn’t matter. You will hate it soon after you start. A friend  started a rigorous exercise plan and said he loved it from the beginning. I’ve never trusted him since then. A man who will lie about that will lie about other things, too.

Besides sweating like a horse and also smelling like one, maybe you want to spend a lot of money on machinery that’s dangerous and ugly. You can buy a fitness machine! There are many models to choose from. They will let you walk, run, gallop, row, flex, bend, perforate, shred, shriek, cross country ski, hike, bicycle, mountain bike, climb stairs, jump hurdles, float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, plank, kayak, vibrate, invert, box...and you can do all these things without leaving your home. Which means emergency services won’t have to waste precious time looking for you when the time comes. And it will.

I would have said “without leaving the privacy of your home,” but many new machines feature a “social aspect” where other people can chart your progress—or lack thereof—and even see you on their machines’ monitors. This is supposed to inspire friendly competition, much in the way the Romans inspired competition by tossing people in an arena and letting them run from hungry lions. This both revealed the fastest and the tastiest.

You might also need a bigger house. Some of the machines are large. If you can fit, say, a 1965 Dodge Dart in your bedroom, then you can safely have an exercise machine to hang clothes on.

The curious thing about all this running, hiking, biking, rowing, etc. is that you’re not actually going anywhere. After all that activity, you will still be in the same room. When you’re walking outside, you will end up somewhere—probably an ER—but somewhere besides where you started.

Another curious thing—well, I’m curious about it even if you’re not—is people are actually dressing up before they exercise in their OWN HOME. Women put on makeup, men put on pants, and then when they’re finished, they have to shower and get dressed again! I guess if you run around in sweat pants and t-shirts all day, you’re set. Otherwise, it seems a waste of laundry. A friend of mine has an expensive bike with video camera. She covered the camera with a towel and says she won’t uncover it until she looks as good as the people in the bike’s TV commercials. She says to check back with her in five years. It’s a good plan, particularly since all sorts of things could happen to the bike before then. They don’t last forever. They do break down. Accidentally sometimes.

My friend who is planning to climb the mountain says you’re not the same person at the beginning of an exercise regimen as you are at the end. You’re a fitter, better version with more confidence and discipline that will make your entire life better. She’s always saying crazy crap like that. I think the judge is plain wrong, and I will file an appeal as soon as I finish off this lovely box of Twinkies.

(Copyright 2019 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved. No copying or sharing without express written permission of the author and publisher. Thank you for reading.)