Tuesday, September 4, 2018

"Attack of the Flying Tapeworm"

A friend of mine got her first tattoo recently. She had wanted one for years, she told me, and she finally took the plunge. (Plunge being an apt word choice in this instance, as you will see if you keep reading and why wouldn’t you? It’s not like you have much of a social life.)

She wanted something “tasteful but cheerful.” She found an illustration of those charming but theologically unsound cherubs painted by the Renaissance artist Raphael and decided one of those cute winged angels would permanently fly on her left shoulder. She priced various tattoo artists and located one with the lowest prices. His establishment was clean, and he was courteous and professional.

All in all, an unremarkable event, except she probably should have found an artist who charged more.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Monday, September 3, 2018

"Way Too Hot"

I’ve always enjoyed warm weather. Bright sunshiny days lift my spirits and inspire me to break into happy songs, although I try to not do that at funerals or in court—anymore—because I’ve been told it’s disruptive.

However, we’re experiencing a run of hot weather here in Oklahoma that has daunted even me. Going outside and hearing your sweat sizzle can take the spring out of anyone’s step. And if you’re heavy like me, you soon realize that you have enough fat on you to fry yourself if you’re not careful. You would only need to add sides of mashed potatoes and collard greens to make a meal fit for any southern cannibal king.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Saturday, September 1, 2018

"Catchy Tune, but Can You Cuss to It?"

The other day I heard a song on the radio. It had a catchy beat and noises that vaguely sounded like words. I liked it—right up until I got home and looked up the lyrics. Then I hunted down the singers, washed their dirty mouths out with lye soap, enrolled the boys in military school, and sent the girl singer to a nunnery. Then I shot their record producer and dropped his body in an alligator-filled swamp. Just a regular Saturday for me actually.

I think this means I am officially old and not in tune with modern music. In fact, I’m only a few years away from sitting on my porch and yelling for the neighbor kids to get off my lawn, those young snotfaces with their iPhone this and iPad that. They’re going to be mighty surprised when my iCane impacts their smart-alecky heads. They’ll probably run home crying, “iHurt! iHurt! iHurt!” Whiners. Or more correctly iWhiners.

Read more in Floozy Comes Back available now. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Enjoy!

Enjoy this collection of wild and wacky tales, including: 
Spice Boy, 
A Tale of Two Goldfish, 
Tanning My Hide, 
Kindle the Barbarian, 
The Fine Art of Sighing, 
Pumpkin Pinterest, 
Mr. Manners Speaks, 
Much Ado About Carbs, 
Congress & Other Monstrous Things, 
Work in Your Underwear, 
The Terrible Truth About Women,
and many more in Floozy Comes Back!



Sunday, July 29, 2018

Floozy takes Barnes and Noble!

For reasons that surpass my understanding, Barnes and Noble has launched Floozy Comes Back today! I didn't even know she was back in the States!

Here's the link: Floozy takes Barnes and Noble!

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

"Catchy Tune, but Can You Cuss to It?"

The other day I heard a song on the radio. It had a catchy beat and noises that vaguely sounded like words. I liked it—right up until I got home and looked up the lyrics. Then I hunted down the singers, washed their dirty mouths out with lye soap, enrolled the boys in military school, and sent the girl singer to a nunnery. Then I shot their record producer and dropped his body in an alligator-filled swamp. Just a regular Saturday for me actually.

I think this means I am officially old and not in tune with modern music. In fact, I’m only a few years away from sitting on my porch and yelling for the neighbor kids to get off my lawn, those young snotfaces with their iPhone this and iPad that. They’re going to be mighty surprised when my iCane impacts their smart-alecky heads. They’ll probably run home crying, “iHurt! iHurt! iHurt!” Whiners. Or more correctly iWhiners.

From Floozy Comes Back available July 30. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, July 24, 2018

Travels with Floozy

Okay, I really haven't been jealous of Floozy's world travels until now. Isn't this lovely? She's visiting the beautiful Lake Louise located in the Banff National Park in Alberta Canada. Lake Louise is one of the most visited lakes in Canada, and you can see why. #FloozyCB

Friday, July 20, 2018

"Attack of the Flying Tapeworm"

"Tattoo Buyer Regret" AKA "Attack of the Flying Tapeworm"

A friend of mine got her first tattoo recently. She had wanted one for years, she told me, and she finally took the plunge. (Plunge being an apt word choice in this instance, as you will see if you keep reading and why wouldn’t you? It’s not like you have much of a social life.)

She wanted something “tasteful but cheerful.” She found an illustration of those charming but theologically unsound cherubs painted by the Renaissance artist Raphael and decided one of those cute winged angels would permanently fly on her left shoulder. She priced various tattoo artists and located one with the lowest prices. His establishment was clean, and he was courteous and professional. All in all, an unremarkable event, except she probably should have found an artist who charged more.

From Floozy Comes Back available July 30. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Thursday, July 19, 2018

Floozy arrives!

My copies of Floozy Comes Back are here! Woohoo! Now, what does that mean for her online debut? I don't know. I'm not sure either is connected, but I have my copies! So that's good!



Thursday, July 12, 2018

My mistake

Because I made the mistake of saying this day couldn't get any worse, Floozy Comes Back ran into a problem at the publisher. It's fixed, but it's off schedule now. I know she will go on sale on Lulu.com on the 30th. I'm hoping Amazon, Barnes & Noble, BAM!, and the others will also have her on sale that day. If not, they will have her the first or second week of August. Right now, they're saying they will "attempt" to hit the July 30th date. We'll see. Of course, I will have my copies by then so the local folks will be able to get it. There's no particular charm about the 30th, but it happens to be my birthday and I thought it would be a cool thing to have her premiere on that day. Okay, universe, you proved your point. I won't say that particular phrase ever again!

Oh, here's Floozy under the island palms. Where I'd like to be.



Wednesday, July 11, 2018

"The Fine Art of SIghing"

My old computer died. You would have thought I lost a beloved pet by the way I moped around my house for a couple of weeks. During that time, my answer to any question was a sigh of despair with a hint of brave long-suffering and a touch of woe-is-me. It was one of my finest series of sighs.

Not that I’m the master of sighing. No, that title belongs to my brother. He can create sighs that are the verbal equivalent of the Mona Lisa. For some unaccountable reason, I am the cause of many of his sighs, and I can tell you they are capable of making strong men weep or at least check to see if the tires of their cars are leaking. His sighs convey the overall theme of “my brother is nuts and why am I burdened with him” with layers of such emotions as “life is a mystery of sadness and joy” and “geese fly south in the winter as the year moves toward its end.”

From Floozy Comes Back available July 30. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Tuesday, July 10, 2018

"To A Fault"

Whenever something terrible happens, you should always ask yourself, “Is Stephen okay?” If so, then it’s not that terrible. At least not for me, and I’m sure we all agree that’s what’s really important. Naturally, I’m concerned about you, too, and will do anything to help you—as long as I’m not greatly inconvenienced or busy or my favorite shows aren’t on TV. I have to have priorities, which I know you understand because I’m such a high priority for you.

To a judgmental person, it might possibly sound like I’m self absorbed, but let’s be honest, if you were as awesome as me—if that were even possible, and frankly, it’s not—you’d be self-absorbed, too. I’m definitely marvelous. People are fascinated by me, particularly doctors who want to study me in a specially controlled environment.

From Floozy Comes Back available July 30. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Sunday, July 8, 2018

"Those Whom Gods Would Destroy…Publish First"

It recently occurred to me that people do foolish things all the time. Even now someone is thinking about running for president, which is doubly silly since no sane person wants that job and the next presidential election has already been decided by our alien overlords. But be that as it may, I was thinking about those people who wake up one day and say, “I’d like to publish a book!” And even though that only leads to madness and worse, off they go.

I speak from experience. I’m in the middle of publishing a book right now. It’s been nearly three years since my last publication, mostly because it took me that long to recover. However, my creditors were hounding me again, and I embarked on another publishing voyage somewhat similar to that undertaken by the Titanic, but more tragic since it involves me.

From Floozy Comes Back available July 30. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Saturday, July 7, 2018

"Je ne parle pas Français!*"

I keep trying to learn French even though it’s obvious I will never master it with enough expertise to not horrify a Frenchman. I once had dinner in a French restaurant and attempted to impress the waiter with my French. With an expression on his face like he had a severe case of constipation, he attempted to repeat my order to me in bad English while I attempted to correct him in bad French. I would have gone hungry except the menu had pictures on it, so I was able to point at items and received excellent food. I’m not sure what it was, but it used a lot of garlic, cream, and butter, and how could you go wrong with that?

I don’t even know why I want to learn French. I have no particular desire to travel to France, although it seems lovely and they did give us the Statue of Liberty, which is much nicer than a gift card but not as easy to carry.

From Floozy Comes Back available July 30. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Friday, July 6, 2018

From "Floozy Comes Back"

Hamlet or Another Four Hours I Won’t Get Back

You all know Hamlet by William Shakespeare is one of the greatest plays ever written. If you didn’t know, now you do, and you can go to bed knowing you learned one thing today.

You may be surprised to also learn I am not a fan of the play. Oh, I recognize the genius of it, and it has one of the most famous and moving soliloquies ever written (To be or not to be....) but frankly it doesn’t have a role for Dolly Parton, and I don’t like plays that preclude the chance of casting her.

From Floozy Comes Back available July 30. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Monday, July 2, 2018

From "Floozy Comes Back"

What Did You Say?

I’ve been accused of not paying attention more than once in my life. By teachers, parents, siblings, girlfriends, friends who are girls, just plain friends, fellow employees, teammates, etc., and who say I’m the poster child for Adult Attention Deficit Syndrome. I think it’s time to explain this once and for all—if I’m not paying attention, it’s because you’re not being interesting. If you’d step up your game, I’d be with you more.

From Floozy Comes Back available July 30. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Sunday, July 1, 2018

From "Floozy Comes Back"

My Fitness Goal—and, Yes, I DO Have One

        At the gym—yes, I was at the gym; that shocked expression doesn’t look good on you—I was asked what my fitness goal was. And I answered promptly, “I want to be one of those obnoxious skinny people.” You know the ones I mean: they eat like starving pigs, but they never gain weight. In fact, they are so used to their incredible metabolism that burns fat like a Congressman spends money that they are baffled by people who are overweight.

From Floozy Comes Back available July 30. Copyright 2018 by Stephen B. Bagley. All rights reserved.

Sunday, June 10, 2018

"What Are You Reading?"


Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!

Saturday, June 9, 2018

"Country Life"


Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!

Friday, June 8, 2018

"Unexpected"


Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!

Thursday, June 7, 2018

"Random Act of Kindness"


Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

"Autumn Sonnet"


Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Monday, June 4, 2018

Sunday, June 3, 2018

"Melting Away"


Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!

Saturday, June 2, 2018

"The Thanksgiving Tree"


Enjoy this new anthology from the Prosateurs! Inside its covers, you'll find short stories, recipes, humor, articles, memoirs, and more!

Friday, June 1, 2018

New Anthology Released!

OKLAHOMA—The writing group Prosateurs announces the publication of the judged anthology Prosateurs: Tales & Truth. The anthology features short stories, recipes, humor, memoirs, poetry, devotionals, articles, and other works from the group’s members. It’s now available from Prosateurs members and online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, BooksAMillion, and other retailers.

Author Kathy Akins won Best of the Book with a memoir of her mother’s battle with dementia. “It was honest, sincere, and well-written,” said Submissions Judge Gail Henderson. “A reader both sympathizes and learns from it.”

Henderson co-wrote the poetry collection Undying. She collaborated with noted Oklahoma photographer Michael Duncan to produce Bare, a book of poetry and photography that explores the enigma of womanhood in the world. She wrote Red Bird Woman, a collection of her poetry under the name Gail Wood. Her work has appeared in Blackbirds First Flight, Blackbirds Second Flight, Blackbirds Third Flight, Creations 2012-2014 and ByLine Magazine. She holds a Masters of Education in English and Social Studies from East Central University. Currently she serves on the Board of Directors for Lake Superior Writers, Duluth, Minnesota.


The anthology authors include:

Kathy Akins has won several awards with her poetry, devotionals, and short fiction. Her works were published in Blackbirds Third Flight and the Creations anthologies 2014-2015. A love for history, family, and animals inspires her stories. She lives in Oklahoma and shares her home with miniature long-haired dachshunds and a rescued Catahoula. Her dachshunds assist her when she presents educational programs for children in her capacity as an American Kennel Club (AKC) Canine Ambassador. She is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc., Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators, and American Christian Fiction Writers. Visit kathyakins.blogspot.com.

Debbie Anderson wrote the novel Friend or Foe in 2018. A longtime storyteller, she has written stories since she was a child. The oldest of eight children she used these stories to entertain her siblings. She spent eighteen years in the travel industry. As a result she has been to nearly every state and six countries. She left the travel business after 9/11. Since then she has written business documents such as manuals and procedures for the electronic and oil industries. She writes short stories, memoirs, novels, children’s stories, and how-to books. She has been published in Creations 2017.

Stephen B. Bagley co-wrote the poetry collection Undying. He wrote Murder by Dewey Decimal, Murder by the Acre, Tales from Bethlehem, Floozy and Other Stories, and EndlesS. He wrote the plays Murder at the Witch’s Cottage and Two Writers in the Hands of an Angry God and co-wrote Turnabout, Hogwild, and There’s A Body in the Closet. His writings have appeared in Writer’s Digest, Blackbirds First Flight, Blackbirds Second Flight, Blackbirds Third Flight, ByLine Magazine, Nautilus Magazine, Tulsa World OKMagazine, and other publications. He graduated from Oklahoma State University. He is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc. Visit StephenBBagley.blogspot.com.

Kelley Benson is a pastor who has a passion for using everyday opportunities to help people recognize how God works in their lives. He and his wife Jade are raising their  children to see how God should be part of everything people do. Since 1997, he has participated in a wide range of ministries and been involved with the investment industry, the insurance industry, teaching, and carpentry. He published On Target, a book of devotionals, and writes a weekly newsletter. His articles were published in Creations 2013-2015. He is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc. Visit kelleybenson.blogspot.com.

Nita Beshear began writing as a young child. If her family wasn't moving from one state to another, they were moving across town. Stories gave her continuity. Her friends in her stories went with her to every new home. Beshear writes nonfiction, historical novels, and short stories. Her books include Devoted to Quilting and Beyond the Grief: A Widow's Survival Guide. Her fiction appeared in Romance-The Spice of Life. She is a member of the Material Girls (the Allen Oklahoma Quilters), McAlester McSherry Writers, Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc., and Duncan and Okmulgee Toastmasters. Visit nitabeshear.wordpress.com.

Wendy Blanton published the novels, The Dragon’s Lady, Rogue Pawn, and Sword and Scabbard, under the name Elizabeth Joy. Her short stories appeared in Blackbirds First Flight, Blackbirds Second Flight, and Blackbirds Third Flight. She writes novels and short stories in several genres. She graduated from the University of Mount Olive, North Carolina, and served in the United States Air Force. An apprentice bard, she tells Celtic folk tales at Scottish Highland Games and other venues. She and her husband are members of the Clan Campbell Society. She is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc. Visit wendyblanton.wordpress.com.

D. E. Chandler wrote the thriller Bone Sliver. In 2013, her poem, “Oppenheimer” and her short story “One Way Window” won honorable mention and publication in Outside the Lines. In 2015, her poem “Carroll After Dark” won first place and publication in the Tulsa Review’s 2015 Spring contest issue. Her works were also published in Blackbirds Third Flight, The Green Country Guardian, The Sapulpa Herald, and Sapulpa News and Views. She graduated from Rogers State University. She lives with her husband Tom in Oklahoma. She is a member of Oklahoma Writers Federation, Inc. and Oklahoma Women Bloggers. Visit dechandlerwrites.com.

Barbara Shepherd has received more than 300 writing awards. She is the Oklahoma 2017 Voice of the Fair Poet, a Lone Stars Poet, a Woody Guthrie Poet, and a former Nominee for Poet Laureate of the State of Oklahoma. Shepherd served as a field editor for Taste of Home and contributed to other magazines, including: Outlook, Oklahoma D.O., Oklahoma Woman, Edmond Life and Leisure, Bella, and ArtBeat. Her books include: The Potbelly Pig Promise, River Bend, Vittles and Vignettes, and Patchwork Skin. Her writing appeared in: Women’s War Memoirs, Heavenly Patchwork, Voices In Time, and numerous other publications. Visit barbarashepherd.com.

Joanne Verbridge was born in Oakland, California, spending her early life experiences in Northern California. Family brought her to Oklahoma where she enjoys writing memoirs and crafting. She works to inspire her young nieces to take an interest in story telling and writing. Her memoirs, short stories, and articles have been published in Oklahoma newspapers and in the Creations anthologies 2012-2015.

Thursday, May 3, 2018

Pronunciation guide

A friend asked me how to pronounce "Prosateurs."
It's "Pros uh tours."
It simply means "a writer of prose."



Monday, April 30, 2018

Coming in May

I'm excited this book is going to be published in May! I have a couple of articles and a short story in it. These will be my first published pieces in nearly a year. My medical and life issues have kept me away from the keyboard too much. I'm hoping this book signals a productivity change. Anyway, here's the cover!


I'll let you know more about as the actual release date nears. We had a great submissions judge who picked out the best entries from the submissions. Great articles, memoirs, poems, short stories...even a few recipes! I think you will enjoy it. #PT&T #Prosateurs

Monday, February 19, 2018

Reciprocity

Was talking a friend yesterday who suffers from a common aliment in his marriage: He loves her more than she loves him. That mismatch in affection is painful, not that she doesn't love him, but she doesn't show it often.

I hear that a lot from my friends about their significant others. And I always tell them the same thing: Love doesn't carry with it any promise of equal reciprocity. Love just is, and it's a worthy thing to love even if they don't love you as much as you love them. It's a hard thing, but love also doesn't say it will be easy. Love is kind of a jerk at times.